October 11th, 2009

Jones Party Hat

So tired...

I'm really tired. Like, I'm probably just gonna clean up in here, then go to bed, but first: 

Dear DoC HeadCanon,

It's certainly been a while. I hardly recognized you with all the Gorillaz fanfic ideas plastered all over you. Lets peel it back and have a look-see. Ooooo... Owwww... Yeah, I'm seeing some BIG things that need to be corrected.

So... Weiss. He's hot, he's charismatic, he's one of the most powerful beings in all of Final Fantasy VII and he doesn't go around screaming about it, which makes him fairly intelligent. However, no matter how manipulative he gets in Matchstick or anywhere else, Weiss isn't a sleazeball. Therefore, he would not come on to Rosso. Not even to make her leave him alone. Not even in AU. Not even in a movie theater while watching Silent Hill.

Speaking of Weiss... 'Lo, Argent. We haven't really conversed, being that you have very little characterization. Even less than Weiss. Still, you are a legit Tsviet and a teaching figure. Admirable, if not just down-right cool. However, just because I felt the need to listen to pop-music all morning, doesn't mean that you and Weiss get to become emotionally distraught little puppy dogs to Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me." WEISS, I AM SPECIFICALLY AIMING THAT AT YOU!

Nero... Nero, Nero, Nero. Possibly the sexiest man in all of Dirge. The voice, the eyes, the hair, the physique all scream romance. However, that doesn't make you romantic. That makes you a FUCKING BLACK WIDOW SPIDER (Hey, maybe that's where we get ArachNero?) In short, quit being a puppy in my headcanon. It alters my writing, dear.

Rosso. Uber props ever since I learned you were a singer for the Silent Hill series, which is probably why you're even in my untitled crack fic. However, you're not a cranky old lady. You're batshit. While some cranky old ladies are completely out of their goddamned minds, not all people who are out of their minds are cranky old ladies. Also, never wear pink. EVER.

Shelke... Sweetie... I know Matchstick is scary. It's wading into the water of how to write you and I totally respect that. But can't you just be a BIT easier for me? Mmm?

Azul, we have no issues. Stay sweet... Or something.

In short, DoC headcanon, GET IT TOGETHER OR WE'RE TURNING THIS CAR AROUND AND NOT GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!

~ A.H.